Benak Pizza

Operator : "Thank you for calling Benak Pizza. How may I assist you?"

Bujang : "Haloo Dom, ...I want to order....."

Operator : "Can I have your name and MASkad number first, Sir?"

Bujang : "Wait ah..ah tu ia.....X231-13-5433"

Operator : "OK... you're...Bujang Ensing alias Bujang Skrang and you're calling from Rumah Lelingai Nanga Pantu, Sri Aman. Your home number is 083-32105, your office 083-32106 and your mobile is 018-321017. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Bujang : "I am calling from my Talipaun Bincing (handphone) lah! Apuuuuu...How did you manage to get all my numbor"

Operator : "We are connected to the MASkad system which is linked to the Central Telco Company Sir"

Bujang : "Ya lah ya lah.....I want to order your Benak Pizza Double Layer Special."

Operator : "Ermm....That's not a good idea Sir"

Bujang : "Why....Dah abis kah?"

Operator : "According to your latest medical records from the Sri Aman Hospital updated in the MASkad system, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Bujang : "What?...Kelalu ah!....MASkad got my Medical Record... What do you suggest I take deh?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Bamboo Pansuh Pizza. That is your favourite Sir"

Bujang : "Pia...How do you know I like Pansuh?"

Operator : "You ordered pansuh dishes three times while staying at Kuching Hotel last month while on assignment to Kuching. The information was keyed in by the Hotel's Customer Preference System. They store information about their regular guests."

Bujang : "Apuuu...bulih tahan neh... I take that Pansuh Pizza..... Can I have three family sized ones then? How much will it cost and please deliver ot to Bilik Bujang at my Longhouse?

Operator : "Your order is in queue Sir. I think it should be enough for your family of 10 people. The total is RM45..."

Bujang : "Isk... how many people in my bilik you also know. I pay by MASkadkredit...Can or Not?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. According to the System your MASkadkredit has a balance of RM30 and you still owe the MASPetrol Station RM8 which is yet to be deducted for the gas purchased 2 days ago"

Bujang : "Akai dai!...Like that ka...parai kitai!"

Operator : "That's not including the late payment fine for your Cukai Pintu which the District Council sent you a reminder yesterday Sir.

Bujang : "Okay lah...I use my other MASter Card lah - Utangkad number 12345678"

Operator : "That would be fine Sir - you have sufficient credit for that one - Your order is confirmed and RM45 has been deducted - and the Pizzas are ready and you can get 10% discount if you collect it in 5 minutes"

Bujang : "Eh why you can't send it to my longhouse?

Operator : "Sir, according to your Car's GPS signal you are just around the corner - its faster to collect yourself - our delivery boy has just left for other orders and will be back in half an hour only"

Bujang : "What...you got Satellite eyes kah? Mata di langit ah? How do you know I am in my car?"

Operator : "Your GPRS telephone signal location matches with your Car GPS signal so you are definitely calling from your Car - try to use wireless headphone Sir....the Police Summon System database indicates that you have been caught talking on the handphone while driving."

Bujang : "These System things can drive people crazy one......nadai senang idup!"

Operator : "But Sir, systems are designed to enable us decide the best for our customers."

Bujang : [Speechless for a while] Ok ok.... I come collect my Pizza now!

Operator : "Is there anything else you wish to add Sir?"

Bujang : "Ya....just add 3 bottles of cola as advertised in your Combo Meals package sent via SMS.This is the last time I am ordering using my MASkad info......tomorrow I just go ngasu (hunting) for my food."

Operator : "I am sorry Sir, we normally include the Colas Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic so our "Customer Health First" campaign requires us to replace that with Green Tea bottles. And about the ngasu thing, I advice you to renew your Shotgun license at the Resident Office. According to the system your permit expires today. "

Bujang : Kelalu kelalu! Parai Kitai