Funniest Toon

Ceter Lawak

Pusaka Kebun Nenek
Setelah sekian lama di perantauan akhirnya Rahmat pulang ke kampung untuk berjumpa dengan neneknya.

Nenek : "Rahmat, nenek sudah tidak kuat lagi, nenek minta kamu sambung mengusahakan kebun nenek..."

Rahmat : "Jangan cakap macam tu, nek..." (dalam hati, tak sia-sia aku balik kampung... dapat pulak harta pusaka nenek).

Nenek : "Segala isi perkebunan, ternakan, villa, traktor untuk kamu. Tolong jaga baik-baik, jangan lupa disiram tiap hari tanaman nenek."

Rahmat : "Baik nek, nenek jangan bimbang tentang hal itu... Tapi dimana kebun nenek? Rahmat tidak pernah tahu?"

Nenek : "Di Facebook nenek, FARMVILLE, nanti nenek bagi tau passwordnya."

Rahmat : "?????"

Tukang Bual Saja
Pembeli: "Dik, telur sekilo berapa?"

Penjual: "Telur ayam atau telur itik?"

Pembeli: "Telur ayam."

Penjual: "Telur ayam biasa atau ayam kampung?"

Pembeli: "Ayam biasa."

Penjual: "Yang tempatan atau yang import?"

Pembeli: "Yang tempatan."

Penjual: "Yang tempatannya mahu yang dari Ipoh, Kuala Selangor
atau Tampin?

Pembeli: "Yang Ipoh lah..." (Sambil terlihat kesal).

Penjual: "Mahu yang Ipoh Pusat, Barat, Timur, Utara, atau Selatan?"

Pembeli: "Adik nie jual telur atau nak jalan-jalan?"

Penjual: "Maaf kak, saya penjual mee rebus kat sebelah. Kebetulan
yang jual telur pergi makan. Saya disuruh berbual dulu dengan pembeli sampai dia datang.

Katil Maut
Salah sebuah katil di dalam bilik ICU sebuah hospital ternama kerap mengalami kejadian pelik..Setiap pesakit yang ditempatkan disitu pasti akan meninggal pada satiap hari Jumaat pagi tanpa mengira umur, jantina atau tahap kesihatan mereka Perkara ini sangat membingungkan para doktor... Lalu para doktor memutuskan untuk memantau katil tersebut...

Apabila tiba hari Jumaat yang berikutnya... beberapa doktor bersiap sedia untuk mengenal pasti penyebab kepada kematian di katil tersebut yang mana pada ketika seorang pesakit lelaki muda sedang tidur... Beberapa doctor memegang Yassin dan Quran sebagai persiapan menghalau makhluk halus..

Masa berputar... pukul 08:00am.. 08:30am sehingga jam 9.00 am... tiba-tiba... ... Pintu bilik ICU itu terbuka... . Kemudian masuklah Makcik Bedah... Seorang pekerja sambilan sebagai pencuci yang hanya bertugas setiap hari jumaat..Masuk... mendekati katil keramat tersebut... dan terus mencabut... soket elektrik untuk alat pernafasan bantuan agar dapat menghidupkan.. vacuum cleanernya...

RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

THIS IS REAL FUNNY - ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA.

Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore ... Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab ... I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baler. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day... Fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon
yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

Sebab2 mengapa gagal temuduga

A- Penemuduga
B- Orang yang ditemuduga

SITUASI1
A : Ada boyfriend?
B : Ada .
A : Dia bekerja dalam negara ke?
B : Oh tidak. Dia bekerja di luar negara.
A : Maaf, syarikat kami tidak bolehterima kamu bekerja di sini.
B : Mengapa ?? (nada terkejut)
A : Emm… kamu mesti tidak akanlama bekerja di sini dan yang paling penting syarikat tidak akan mampu membayarbil panggilan antarabangsa kamu .

SITUASI2
A : Kamu ada teman wanita?
B : Tiada.
A : Tak cuba untuk dapatkan seorang ke?
B : Pernah mencuba tapi tak berjaya.
A : Pernahkah kamu terfikir untukmendapatkan kerja terlebih dahulu dan kemudian barulah mencari teman wanita.
B : Saya mementingkan kerjaya dan buatmasa sekarang saya tidak mahu memikirkan perkara (cinta) tersebut. Itu urusanperibadi.
A : Nampaknya saya tidak dapatmenggaji kamu.
B : Tapi kenapa encik?
A : Kamu lemah kemahiranberkomunikasi dan tiada keyakinan diri, itu saja.

SITUASI3
A : Kamu nampak cantik dan bergaya. Tentu kamu sudah mempunyai teman lelaki kan??
B : (Tersenyum bangga). Emm ya saya.
A : Sudah tentu dia seorang yang kaya(sambil mengurut janggut).
B : Tuan memang bijak. Dia antara yang terkaya dalam negara ini dan memilikisyarikat besar.
A : Oo begitu rupanya. Cik maaflahsaya tidak dapat menerima kamu bekerja di sini kerana teman lelaki kamu sendiripun tidak menerima kamu bekerja di syarikatnya. Ini kan pula saya.
B: Tapi..tiada jawatan yang sesuai dengan saya di syarikatnya.
A : Jadi apa jawatan yang sesuaidengan kamu?
B : Setiausaha.
A : Maaf sekali lagi. Kamu tidaklayak bekerja di sini kerana kecantikan kamu akan menjejaskan semangat kerjapengurus kami.
B : Tapi saya bukannya cantik sangat pun encik.
A : Haa…lagi bermasalahsebabnya pengurus saya pasti tidak berminat dengan kamu
B : Gulp…

SITUASI 4
A : Ada girlfriend?
B : Ada.

A : Cantik tak dia?
B : Biasa je.

A : Hmm…maaflah kamu tidak layak bekerja di sini.
B : Tapi kenapa encik ?

A : Syarikat kami terlibat dalam perniagaan berkaitan seni dan memerlukan seseorang yang berseni. Tetapi kamu langsung tidak mempunyai ciri-ci ritersebut. Teman wanita pun biasa je.
B : Haa…(melopong)

JOKES THAT NOT TO BE MISSED

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u? To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death!

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time...

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

Malam Pengantin

Seorang lelaki bernama Baskon yang baru saja menjalani malam pertamabersama isterinya, menceritakan tentang kemuskilannya kepada seorang kawan, Abon.

"Wah, gila juga! Ternyata memang benar, Kebiasaan yang sering kita lakukan ketika masih bujang, boleh berulang pada malam pengantin." ujar Baskon.

"Sebenarnya apa yang berlaku semalam?" si Abon ingin tahu.

"Begini. Kau kan tau kalau sewaktu bujang aku suka melanggan perempuan."

"Ho oh."

"Nah, terus malam pengantin semalam, setelah selesai melakukan hubungan, tanpa sengaja aku memberikan wang RM 100 pada isteri aku."

"Wah, gila kau!" Abon terperanjat. "Bagaimana? Isteri kau marah?"

"Itulah masalahnya," Baskon menjawap. "Dia malah memberikan pulangan wang RM 25 kat aku!"wakakakakaka. ...

Petua Besarkan Zakar (utk lelaki sahaja)

Seorang pemuda yang akan berkahwin telah mengunjungi bapa saudaranyayang juga seorang pakar dalam masalah tenaga batin untuk memperolehi sedikit petua.

Pemuda : Pakcik, saya akan berkahwin tidak lama lagi tetapi saya masihbelum bersedia. Apakah nasihat pakcik untuk saya menghadapai malampertama?

Pakcik : Malam pertama merupakan malam yang sangat penting bagilelaki. Kamu seharusnya dapat memberi kepuasan yang pasti tidak akandilupakan oleh isteri kamu.

Pemuda : Bagaimana caranya?

Pakcik : Begini, kamu seharusnya membesarkan alat kelaminmu dan iniakan membuatkan isteri kamu menjerit sepanjang malam pertama. Caranya sangat mudah.

Pemuda : Bagaimana?

Pakcik : Begini.. kamu mesti merendam alat kelaminmu setiap malamdalam air teh setiap malam sehingga malam pertama.

Pemuda : Kalau begini mudah, sudah pasti saya akan menjadi hero nanti…

Pemuda tersebut balik kerumah dan melakukan apa yang disuruh oleh pakciknya. Setiap malam dia merendam alat kelaminnya dalam segelas airteh. Pada malam pertamanya, pakciknya juga berada dirumahnya.Tiba-tiba isterinya menjerit kuat. Pakciknya mula terfikir akankehebatan petua yang diberinya. Pintu bilik terbuka dan pemudatersebut keluar dari biliknya dengan muka yang sedih sambil menghampiri pakciknya.

Pakcik : Kenapa begitu cepat?

Pemuda : Saya punya memang panjang tapi kenapa hanya sebesar pensil?

Pakcik: Kamu sudah mengikut petua yang pakcik beri?

Pemuda : Sudah. Setiap malam saya merendam saya punya dalam segelas teh.

Pakcik : Teh apa?

Pemuda : Mustika Ratu - Slimming Tea

Funniest Muthu

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER

Interviewer: 'What is your birth date?'

Muthu : '14th October.'Interviewer : 'Which year?'

Muthu : 'Every year.'

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER

The Manager asked Muthu at an interview... . 'Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?'

Muthu replied: 'P-O-S-T-B-O- X.'

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP

After returning from a foreign trip.

Muthu asked his wife, 'Do I look like a foreigner?'

Wife: 'No! Why?'

Muthu : 'In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?' that's why.'

Wife : ?????????

MUTHU & TOURIST

A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village...

Muthu said, 'No sir, only babies were born here.'

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT

Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to 'WALK! WALK!' The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked. Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, 'I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.'

MUTHU & DRIVER

When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive.'

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL

Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the signboard'* WASH BASIN * '

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER

FINAL PART* Interviewer : 'Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?'Muthu: 'It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination. '

Benak Pizza

Operator : "Thank you for calling Benak Pizza. How may I assist you?"

Bujang : "Haloo Dom, ...I want to order....."

Operator : "Can I have your name and MASkad number first, Sir?"

Bujang : "Wait ah..ah tu ia.....X231-13-5433"

Operator : "OK... you're...Bujang Ensing alias Bujang Skrang and you're calling from Rumah Lelingai Nanga Pantu, Sri Aman. Your home number is 083-32105, your office 083-32106 and your mobile is 018-321017. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Bujang : "I am calling from my Talipaun Bincing (handphone) lah! Apuuuuu...How did you manage to get all my numbor"

Operator : "We are connected to the MASkad system which is linked to the Central Telco Company Sir"

Bujang : "Ya lah ya lah.....I want to order your Benak Pizza Double Layer Special."

Operator : "Ermm....That's not a good idea Sir"

Bujang : "Why....Dah abis kah?"

Operator : "According to your latest medical records from the Sri Aman Hospital updated in the MASkad system, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Bujang : "What?...Kelalu ah!....MASkad got my Medical Record... What do you suggest I take deh?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Bamboo Pansuh Pizza. That is your favourite Sir"

Bujang : "Pia...How do you know I like Pansuh?"

Operator : "You ordered pansuh dishes three times while staying at Kuching Hotel last month while on assignment to Kuching. The information was keyed in by the Hotel's Customer Preference System. They store information about their regular guests."

Bujang : "Apuuu...bulih tahan neh... I take that Pansuh Pizza..... Can I have three family sized ones then? How much will it cost and please deliver ot to Bilik Bujang at my Longhouse?

Operator : "Your order is in queue Sir. I think it should be enough for your family of 10 people. The total is RM45..."

Bujang : "Isk... how many people in my bilik you also know. I pay by MASkadkredit...Can or Not?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. According to the System your MASkadkredit has a balance of RM30 and you still owe the MASPetrol Station RM8 which is yet to be deducted for the gas purchased 2 days ago"

Bujang : "Akai dai!...Like that ka...parai kitai!"

Operator : "That's not including the late payment fine for your Cukai Pintu which the District Council sent you a reminder yesterday Sir.

Bujang : "Okay lah...I use my other MASter Card lah - Utangkad number 12345678"

Operator : "That would be fine Sir - you have sufficient credit for that one - Your order is confirmed and RM45 has been deducted - and the Pizzas are ready and you can get 10% discount if you collect it in 5 minutes"

Bujang : "Eh why you can't send it to my longhouse?

Operator : "Sir, according to your Car's GPS signal you are just around the corner - its faster to collect yourself - our delivery boy has just left for other orders and will be back in half an hour only"

Bujang : "What...you got Satellite eyes kah? Mata di langit ah? How do you know I am in my car?"

Operator : "Your GPRS telephone signal location matches with your Car GPS signal so you are definitely calling from your Car - try to use wireless headphone Sir....the Police Summon System database indicates that you have been caught talking on the handphone while driving."

Bujang : "These System things can drive people crazy one......nadai senang idup!"

Operator : "But Sir, systems are designed to enable us decide the best for our customers."

Bujang : [Speechless for a while] Ok ok.... I come collect my Pizza now!

Operator : "Is there anything else you wish to add Sir?"

Bujang : "Ya....just add 3 bottles of cola as advertised in your Combo Meals package sent via SMS.This is the last time I am ordering using my MASkad info......tomorrow I just go ngasu (hunting) for my food."

Operator : "I am sorry Sir, we normally include the Colas Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic so our "Customer Health First" campaign requires us to replace that with Green Tea bottles. And about the ngasu thing, I advice you to renew your Shotgun license at the Resident Office. According to the system your permit expires today. "

Bujang : Kelalu kelalu! Parai Kitai

Lawak Jumaat ;)

Wasiat terakhir suami
Hadi sedang nazak dan hampir meninggal...

Di sebelahnya Imah, isterinya sedang menemani Hadi...

Hadi : "Imah.. sebelum aku mati nanti.. aku ingin berpesan padamu.."

Isteri : "Iya, bang.. cakaplah.."

Hadi : "Aku mau kau kahwin dengan Harun..."

Isteri: "Isk abang nie.. kan Harun tu musuh ketat abang selama ini?!
Apa abang rela menyerahkan saya kepadanya?" dengan terkejut isterinya bertanya.

Hadi: "Aku ingin dia menderita seperti yang aku alami 30 tahun bersamamu.."

bradik kawin serentak
ada 3 org beradik pompuan kawin serentak...
so, pd mlm tersebut mak mereka telah membuat rondaan dr bilik ke bilik anak2 nye..

Anak pertama; terdengar anaknya ketawa..

Anak ke2; terdengar anaknya menangis..

Anak ke3; tak dgr ape2...

keesokan pg nya si mak pun bertanya kepada anak2 dia..
Yg pertama"kenapa kau ketawa mlm td"?

si anak pertama pun jawab "geli la mak"..

kau plak(yg ke2)"kenapa kau menangis mlm td"?

si anak ke2 pun menjawab "sakit la mak"...

"ha kau yg plg pelik(ke3) kenapa mak x dengar ape2 mlm td?senyap jer"...
si anak ke 3 pun menjawab dengan sempoi..."mcm mn x senyap mak kalo benda 2 ada dlm mulut sy"... si ibu pun diam tanpa suara...

Surat Sakit

Cikgu Liana terkedu bila dia baca surat sakit dari seorg pelajar dia yg tak hadir hari tu, surat tu berbunyi macam ni.....

Kepada Cikgu yang dihormati,

Harap maklumkan saya hari tidak dapat menghadirkan diri ini ke dalam kelas cikgu kerana saya mendapati saya dihinggapi penyakit. Aku sudah betemu dengan deresa pagi ini tetapi sungguh menyedihkan aku disahkan tiada berpenyakit. Bapa saya telah membawa saya berjumpa manang, dan mengesahkan saya kena pansa utai. Bersama dengan ini saya sertakan laporan manang berkenaan (Manang Nyawing), dan imbasan dari batu ilau manang berkenaan. Minta tolong cikgu untuk menghebahkan perkara ini kepada guru besai dan cikgu disiplin.

p/s : kalau saya balik ke boding nanti saya bawakan buah nyekak dan buah sibau untuk cikgu.

Yang jauh dimata,
Anak muridmu.
Changking

Lawak Taun Baru Cina

apek : itu potong zaka ada bagut ka ?
ali : manyak bagut..bila lu potong haa lu punya barang manyak bersih loo..

apek :?!! err..saya kawan ada cakap,potong zaka aaahh.. manyak ploblem..
ali : apa probrem ?

apek :manyak buang lui..lagi aahh..dia punya performance tatak bagut..
manyak cinang semputloh..
ali :cehh.. apek, lu apa celita.. saya suda lama potong..
tada apa problem.. bini saya manyak puas woo..

apek :lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
ali :ya la.. bila lu potong aahh.. lagi sedap maen woo..
lu lagi lambat pancut..

apek :???!!! err..lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5 ??
ali : ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha.. saya punya 6 incila..

apek :??! tiu nia ma.. lu jgn maen2 haa.. mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..
ali : cilaka apek ni..nah tengok ( bukak sluar tunjuk pale butoh..)

apek :chee sin punya olang..gua tanya baik2 lu tunjuk lu punya lancau..
ali : abis.. lu tarak percaya..saya tunjuk la..

apek :saya tatak tanya sama lu punya lancau..
saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car.. potong zaka..
molo punya olang..
ali :aiya.. apek.. lain kali lu sebut betul2 la..kasi susa saja..
bukan potong zaka la.. proton saga.. cinabeng btulla..


hahahahaha.. lawak bodo tawun baru ciner..
iklan TV / RADIO proton yg diharamkan..

slamat tawun baru ciner.. dung.. dung.. cehhh.. (",)

BMW vs KANCIL

> Boss and his Secretary
>
> Boss walked into the office one morning not
> knowing that his zipper was down.
>
> His secretary walked up to him and asked,
> 'Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your gate ?'
>
> Boss was not smart enough to understood, so he went back into his
> office looking a bit puzzled !
>
> When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper > was not zipped up.
>
> He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, then boss finally > understood.
>
> He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
>
> When he reached her desk, He said, 'When you saw the gate open did you see my BMW > parked in there ?'
>
> The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 'No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a > Kancil 600 with 2 flat tyre.'
>
> Boss went back to his office mumering... kan na sai......

Eddy

Just for laugh:


Eddy's colleague Mr. Chee kena lottery, wanted to buy a new car. Mr. Chee
decided to buy KIA.

Eddy very kepo, next day when he go to work, he tell all
his colleagues. Eddy 's manager who sitting in office, saw Eddy from outside
whispering around, ear very ichy, so he shout from inside the office :'
Eddy, what happened??'

Eddy said :' Mr. Chee kena lottery, wanted to buy new
car, KIA!' The sound is very soft, manager can't hear properly, so he
decided to ask again.

Eddy reply again :'Mr. Chee want to buy KIA!' Manager
still can't hear what Eddy said, and he ask 1 more time.

Eddy frusfrated and
shout :'CHEE BUY KIA!!!!

Poor Guy

Just for laugh...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Kisah belut yg nakal (18sx)

Kisah ni tak ada kena mengena dgn yg hidup atau mati sekadar utk hiburan... Received frm fren just wana share wit u all for laugh!


Kisah ini kononnya berlaku terjadi di Jakarta. . . . Pada suatu hari, siBambang,
yang usianya baru lima tahun, menghampiri ibunya lantas bertanya,'Ibu, pacaran itu maksudnya apa bu?' Si ibu agak bingung dan sedikit gelabah untuk menerangkan maksud 'pacaran' itu kepada kanak- kanak yang usianya baru melewati lima tahun. Namun, si Bambang terus mendesak untuk mengetahui maksud 'pacaran' itu. Lalu, tanpa memikirkan apa-apa, si ibu berkata, 'Kalau kau benar-benar mau tau maksud berpacaran itu, petang nanti tunggu di beranda rumah kita ini. Hari Sabtu begini, Susi, anak jiran kita itu biasanya akan berpacaran dengan Antonius. Antonius akan datang ke rumahnya dan keluar berjalan-jalan. Jadi, kau akan tahu maksud pacaran itu.'

Menjelang petang, Si Bambang pun menunggu di beranda rumahnya dan apabila hari sudah gelap, baru kelihatan si Antonius muncul. Kelihatan Susi sudah siap sedia menanti kedatangan pak wenya itu... Si Bambang terus melihat perlakuan dua kekasih ini tanpa disedari oleh mereka berdua. 'Bapak dan ibu ada di rumah?' tanya si Antonius kepada si Susi. 'Enggak ada, mereka pergi kenduri kahwin di rumah saudara sejak siang tadi.
Mereka bilang, akan bermalam di sana,' jawab si Susi. 'Bagus sekali. Kita bebas
malam ini. Tak perlu keluar, dirumah saja sudah bisa,' kata si Antonius sambil
menjeling Susi yang tersenyum penuh makna.

Disebabkan tiada orang tua di rumah itu, Antonius dan Susi berasa begitu bebas di rumah itu. Menjelang tengah malam barulah Antonius pulang tanpa disedari mereka bahawa segala perlakuan mereka diperhatikan oleh siBambang dengan teliti. Keesokan harinya, si Bambang menghampiri ibunya lalu berkata bahawa dia sudah tahu akan maksud pacaran yang sebenarnya. 'Kalau sudah tau cuba ceritakan pada ibu apa pacaran itu,' kata siibu. 'Malam tadi, Kak Susi duduk berdua sama Abang Antonius dibangku. Tak lama selepas berbual, mereka saling menempelkan bibir dan Abang Antonius kemudiannya memandang muka Kak Susi yang merah. Beberapa detik kemudian, Bang Antonius memeriksa jantung Kak Susi. Tapi barangkali kerana tidak tau di mana jantungnya, Abang Antonius cuba menggosok-gosokkan tangannya di dada Kak Susi ke kiri dan ke kanan.

Berikutnya, saya lihat Abang Antonius gelisah kerana barangkali berasa ada sesuatu di seluarnya. Memang benar bu, setelah zipnya dibuka ternyata ada seekor BELUT keluar dari seluar Bang Antonius. Kerana berasa kasihan melihat Bang Antonius, Kak Susi pantas menangkap belut tersebut dan cuba membunuhnya dengan meramas-ramas belut itu. Namun, belut itu tegar sekali, enggak mau mati bu walaupun diramas-ramas kuat oleh Kak Susi. Lantaran terlalu marah, Kak Susi lalu memakan belut dengan memamah-mamahnya namun saya lihat Bang Antonius masih merintih kesakitan kerana belut itu masih hidup.

Ternyata walaupun belut itu sudah dimakan Kak Susi, nyawanya masih liat. Belut itu terus hidup bu malah makin kuat. Ia berdiri bu. Saya lihat Kak Susi kurang puas hati dan kerana kasihan dengan abang Antonius barangkali, Kak Susi lantas menanggalkan seluruh kainnya lalu menduduki belut tersebut supaya mati. Tapi belut itu benar-benar gagah bu. Ia masih tidak mati walau Kak Susi terus menghenyak-henyak belut tersebut berkali-kali. Abang Antonius terus merintih kesakitan kerana belut tersebut belum mati juga. Akhirnya, bu tak lama kemudian belut tersebut muntah lalu mati diduduki Kak Susi. Baru saya lihat Abang Antonius tidak merintih malah dapat tersenyum sambil menyatakan rasa terima kasihnya kepada Kak Susi.' Selesai si Bambang bercerita, si ibu jatuh pengsan.

Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use the telephone at our work place.